She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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