If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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