WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
