i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
