my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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