You can't motorboat a personality
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
