It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
