Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
3pm strippers are depressing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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