Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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