i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
