Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
