she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
