I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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