if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
