got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
