I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
