I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
