you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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