were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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