i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
