Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
