it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
