I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I look better un-naked...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
