Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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