Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
