sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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