felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
