And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize