A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
