This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
