I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
