Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
