Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
