Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
