Cold hands, warm shart.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
