youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
