also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
