PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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