Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
