I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
