I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
