just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
