Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
