I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My cat gives me a boner
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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