we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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