I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
