My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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