she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
