I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
