there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't deserve a penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
