Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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