We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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