Pants 0. Shit 1.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
