Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
