I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
