Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
