It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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