I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
