And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
