I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
