i just wanna soil my oats bro
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
