Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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