i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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