If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
