I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
