Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
