Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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