im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
