no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
