If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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