I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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