spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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