He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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