The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
