I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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