I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
