u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
