He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I queefed so loud it echoed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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